Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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