Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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