Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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