I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
