This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
