Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
