I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
