Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
