You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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