Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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