apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
