Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
