i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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