Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Randomize
