omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
