Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
