Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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