I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
