Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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