Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
