First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
