Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
