i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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