not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
even my farts smell like vagina
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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