she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
