i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
