So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
