normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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