Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
