i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Randomize
