I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
