before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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