you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
