He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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