I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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