he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
