I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
whose parrot is this?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
