I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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