she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
