so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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