She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
