I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
