I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
