oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
