what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
