Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
