..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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