We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
