Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
