Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
