dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
