Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
