I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
